My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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