Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
