i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
