smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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