I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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