actually, I'm a sock model
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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