Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
