Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
