Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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