If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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