some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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