It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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