I am in a vortex of obligation.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
