They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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