I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
