i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
