At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
