kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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