I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
