just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
