Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
