At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
wow bdsm is so cute
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
