I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
