he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
