dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
