that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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