i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
