I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
