im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
