so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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