Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
