You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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