If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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