No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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