On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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