just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
