I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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