I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
