Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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