Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
