Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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