Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
