I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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