I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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