where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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