I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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