I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
