Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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