I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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