I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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