I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
