My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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