Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
