wat bout pragnant strippers??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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