God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize