o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
