I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
