meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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