Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
