My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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