he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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