I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
