I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
