so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
