Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
