he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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