Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
