I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
