he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
