Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This is not my ceiling
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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