Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
