I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
